Discovering Sara

my story

If you’ve struggled to control your weight, we have something in common. You see, I’ve had weight issues since I was five years of age. At the time, it really wasn’t very common for children to be overweight. But I steadily packed on the pounds, well aware that though most kids didn’t pick on me, I was different.

At lunchtime, I would look at the lunches of the kids around me: bologna sandwich, chips, two desserts, perhaps an apple. Then I would look at my lunch: ham sandwich or chicken soup, one dessert, a piece of fruit. My mom and I engaged in battle over my sandwich – I didn’t like butter/margarine on the bread, she insisted on not giving me a dry sandwich. I couldn’t stand the taste of the margarine, so most days my sandwich ended up in the garbage (I tried to scrape the margarine off, but it had tainted the flavor of the ham and the bread).

I would compare my lunch to others. I noticed that I had a smaller dessert, yet I was the pudgy one. The other little girls would stand around and giggle during recess; I would be playing kickball or dodgeball. After school, I would often play outside (weather permitting) or play board games with my brother. I was active, yet I was the fat kid. I couldn’t figure it out.

As I grew older, my weight increased. When I was twelve, my pediatrician told my mom that he could put me on a diet, if that’s what I wanted to do. Visibly uncomfortable, my mom asked if I wanted to go on a diet. Ashamed, I shook my head no.

But the question sent a message to me: obviously my doctor thought I needed to go on a diet, so I should probably do something about my weight. I turned to YM magazine, which just happened to include a diet and exercise program in the latest issue. I followed each religiously; to this day, two decades later, I still have the strength training portion memorized.

I gained weight on their diet.

Before high school, I went on a bike tour with a friend of mine. We were biking anywhere from 30-60 miles a day, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to make the trips! Anxiety put a damper on my appetite, and a crush on one of the boys on the trip pretty much killed what remaining appetite I had. With so little food consumption, and so much exercise, I was on my own Biggest Loser program. I lost seven pounds that week.

That semester in school, I had an hour of marching band practice before school, another hour during band, I had tennis practice/meets after school, plus I had gym class. On weekends I tried to take a long bike ride or two, plus play tennis. I ate a nutrigrain bar for breakfast and had a can of Mountain Dew and a pack of M&M’s for lunch. When band and tennis season had come to an end, I’d spend my after-school time on my parents’ Nordic Track.

I did everything I could think of to lose the weight, but it still steadily climbed. Come college, I initially lost a few pounds (thanks to anxiety and walking up hills), but they came back with a vengeance. By the end of college, my weight was at an all-time high. I was shocked when I saw a picture of myself, but I still didn’t know what to do.

When I was 24 or 25 years old, on a whim I purchased Dr. Atkins New Diet Revolution. I read it cover to cover, and everything written rang true for me. It took a couple of attempts for me to really get going with it, however. You see, I’ve never been much of a breakfast person, and all of a sudden I was supposed to eat eggs every day? I don’t think so! But when I found the shakes, I was able to get started.

The weight fell off me. My energy was through the roof. I never knew I could feel that alive, that energetic. After a few weeks of staggering amounts of weight loss, I started to work out because I couldn’t sit still! The fat continued to melt away, and I continued an active life: some days I would work out twice a day, because I simply felt that fabulous.

But with the weight loss came attention, good and bad. Some women who used to talk to me often suddenly disappeared. Some men who never talked to me before suddenly wanted to be around me all of the time. It was confusing territory for me, and I hadn’t anticipated the amount that my weight loss could bring out a change in others.

I didn’t like it. On the other hand, I was having a great time with my friends, and I became a bit more outgoing, to a point. I’ve always been shy and guarded, slow to open up to people. That hadn’t changed, and I don’t believe it ever will. But with men now interested in me, and asking me about myself…I didn’t really know how to deflect the questions, I just kind of changed the subject.

If you’ve ever tried that approach, you probably know that it doesn’t work; it simply makes you more interesting, more mysterious, a puzzle to figure out.

When my weight loss was just shy of 100 pounds, I started to let myself be talked into eating foods that were not a part of my lifestyle. Slowly, the weight started to come back, even though I continued to exercise. And then the Mediterranean Diet exploded, so I made a complete change to that lifestyle, combined with the French Women’s Non-Diet, and proceeded to gain back every pound, plus an additional thirty-five.

During my weight gain, I rediscovered a love for baking. My coworkers probably hated me because I was always bringing treats into work! I loved baking and seriously considered going to culinary school for pastry arts. And yet, in my heart I knew that if I wanted to get rid of this weight, I would have to make a change in my life, a change that wouldn’t include baked goods. I was torn between my passion and my health.

And then I read Good Calories, Bad Calories. I read about the “science” behind the current nutrition establishment and wondered why I had ever abandoned an approach that had me feeling great for the first time. And I knew that my health would beat out my passion. Why? Because I remembered how I felt when I changed my diet all of those years ago. I felt strong, full of hope, able to do anything. I loved baking, but it never made me feel like that.

I choose my health. I started this blog to tell others about my journey, whether or not you agree with my approach to a healthy lifestyle. A couple of weeks ago, I returned to a lower carbohydrate intake, but I didn’t count carbs. I cut out grains and sugar. I ate the same breakfast daily: full-fat Greek yogurt & fruit with coffee. I usually ate a sandwich with cheese and turkey for lunch, and snacked on peanuts or almonds. Dinner was some sort of animal protein and some veggies. I often had dark chocolate for dessert. I felt amazing, but I started overdoing the fruit and chocolate a little, and the cravings returned.

I realized that I needed something a little more structured to get me started. I’ll outline the details for you tomorrow.